how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You left your phone here
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