i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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