Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Be still, my beating vagina.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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