I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
