oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
