I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
