nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
our cab driver is having phone sex.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
