I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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