apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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