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im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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