My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
