Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
