I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This girl is more easily done than said...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
