Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
