WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
