I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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