Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
