Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
