i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
