does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
