we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
