Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize