It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
