from now on my penis is your penis
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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