I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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