I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are we still banned from the library?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
