Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
