All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
