this boner is exhausting
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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