Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
