Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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