He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
