Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
