i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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