we have officially lost it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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