A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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