Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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