Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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