dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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