Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
