Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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