My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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