sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
