a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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