You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
