and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
