Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
