So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
