Will you blow on my dice?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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