There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
