All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
