doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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