Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
