I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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