i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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