listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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