do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
