Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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