This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
should my penis look like a turkey
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
