you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
