omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if only i could text you this smell
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
