you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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