i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
