They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
