Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
