I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
