Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
