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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
