you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
