it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
