My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
