mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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