I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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