My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm both gender and math confused
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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